Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
