Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Randomize
