Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
