remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
