Sry I called you an 8
you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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