can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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