She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
