I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
there was a trapeze. enough said
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
