I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
