Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
