haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My pussy is not your playground.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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