'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
