It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
