No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
