im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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