My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
