Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
