I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
