I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
