so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
