I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Randomize
