Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
