One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
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There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
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WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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