I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize