i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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