You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Randomize
