I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
