and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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