She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
