did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
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