I think im going to throw up on grandma
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I would ride that face into the sunset
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
