My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
