He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
