This dress was meant to end up on your floor
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
