meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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