it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
