My cat gives me a boner
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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