I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
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His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
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I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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