rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
