Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
