i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
