from now on my penis is your penis
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
There r osticjed everywhere
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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