my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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