Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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