so that wasnt chicken after all
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
