i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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