You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
