you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
