the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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