Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
