The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
