he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
