i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
