We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
