And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
