Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
