I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Me too!
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
