He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
