i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
