He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
