My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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