When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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