I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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