Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
