So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
