then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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