that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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