you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
