Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
