all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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