I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
