I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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