In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
