he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
