New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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